is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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