Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
