I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
