he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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