somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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