i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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