DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
