I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
