Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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