Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
