literally had 100 drinks last night.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
