That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
