I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
