Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
