i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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