Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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