Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
