Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
