My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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