Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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