cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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