Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
