Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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