I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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