Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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