Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
