just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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