Already got asked if we're dating
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize