Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
