This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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