I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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