i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
