Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I touched a dick in church today
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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