I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
there was a trapeze. enough said
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
