So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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