dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
