She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
