508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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