i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
