it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
