Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
