I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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