You're my little dorito
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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