I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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