R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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