Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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