i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
