Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
