Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
