Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
