I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
