First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
