a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have fence marks all over my body
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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