i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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