i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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