My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
