just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
