Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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